Introductions are in Order

My name is Max. Max Boom. You don’t know the name, but if you were surfing the intertubes during the early dial-up 90’s, you probably know me. I was one of the first to realize the vast potential of this here web.

If you spent 2 minutes in your dimly lit dorm room downloading a staged picture of a man being assaulted by nubile vixens, there’s a good chance it was me under that Cool-Whip blanket. If you waded through the beeps and chirps— watching a 40% complete bar advance to 50% in aroused anticipation of a chiseled, mustachioed Casanova working his 2400 baud magic on a willing young co-ed— it was likely my long, luxurious ebony mane doing the pushing. I am old school internet exotica—a pioneer in the interspace.

Alas, the technology that lifted my talent to such heights was the same technology that led to its demise. While my moves were flawless and my long hair permed to perfection, I lost the battle of numbers. As download speeds increased, any Jake with a meat sword could call himself a star. Gone was the art-- the need to make every last shot count-- knowing that if your audience spent 5 minutes downloading a picture that wasn’t pixeled gold, you’d lost a fan forever. I became a relic in the new world of crack-whore diaries; an aging monument to the heyday of the 16-color turn-on.

And so here I write. A forgotten, above average pipe-layer and current, below-average engineer pontificating on missed opportunities and life’s other injustices. And probably beer and poker to wit.

I hope you enjoy.