Let it begin

You'll notice I have no fancy moniker, no clever play on pop culture. Is that because I couldn't come up with one? Maybe. Is it because I (and we) are everyman? Definitely.

Have you ever had a question you were afraid to ask? We will ask it. Has there ever been an issue on which you weren't sure your thoughts? We will tell you your opinion. Did you ever wonder just how cool something is on the grand scale? We know the answer.

And lest you be concerned that we will overlook the obscure, miniscule, or pointless, let me assure you that these will be the most covered topics. Headline news? It may or may not come up.

And with that, and my compatriots, we will begin. You don't have to thank us. We know.

Introduction: Spaced Ghost

In the words of Rob Gordon, John Cusack's character in High Fidelity, I consider myself a "professional critic". I am the arbitor of what is right, what is wrong, and frankly will let you know where I stand on the issue in as few words as possible.

I've decided to blog because of course I think others might benefit from my insight, my point of view, and my strong, strong ability to point out the obvious.

In the end, I'm a mediocre, small town newspaper restaurant and TV critic stuck in the body and living the life of a mild mannered engineer. In much the same way Superman used his powers for good and the betterment of all of mankind, I will use my powerlessness as a commentator on life's little trials and tribulations.

We hope you enjoy and if not, I don't think any of us our losing any sleep and I leave you with another Cusack quote this time from Say Anything, "How many of them really know what they want, though? I mean, a lot of them think they have to know, right? But inside they don't really know, so... I don't know ,but I know that I don't know."

Introductions are in Order

My name is Max. Max Boom. You don’t know the name, but if you were surfing the intertubes during the early dial-up 90’s, you probably know me. I was one of the first to realize the vast potential of this here web.

If you spent 2 minutes in your dimly lit dorm room downloading a staged picture of a man being assaulted by nubile vixens, there’s a good chance it was me under that Cool-Whip blanket. If you waded through the beeps and chirps— watching a 40% complete bar advance to 50% in aroused anticipation of a chiseled, mustachioed Casanova working his 2400 baud magic on a willing young co-ed— it was likely my long, luxurious ebony mane doing the pushing. I am old school internet exotica—a pioneer in the interspace.

Alas, the technology that lifted my talent to such heights was the same technology that led to its demise. While my moves were flawless and my long hair permed to perfection, I lost the battle of numbers. As download speeds increased, any Jake with a meat sword could call himself a star. Gone was the art-- the need to make every last shot count-- knowing that if your audience spent 5 minutes downloading a picture that wasn’t pixeled gold, you’d lost a fan forever. I became a relic in the new world of crack-whore diaries; an aging monument to the heyday of the 16-color turn-on.

And so here I write. A forgotten, above average pipe-layer and current, below-average engineer pontificating on missed opportunities and life’s other injustices. And probably beer and poker to wit.

I hope you enjoy.

Real Ultimate Engineers

Here we go