The Russians are Coming!

Downtown Atlanta is under attack!

Reports indicate that the Russians, having a low volume of the following natural resources, have decided to invade to take what they might not otherwise have. The futures market for these partially-renewable resources has shot through the roof in the last few days. Pork bellies are up to $275 per barrel and chitlins are double what they were only 2 short months ago. Popeyes and KFC chains are now under lock and key, only letting diners in after proving that they're not Russian. Of course, native Atlantas don't differentiate between Yankees and Russians, so things are running a little more slowly amid all the confusion.

The Fulton County militia is also mobilizing, although, again, in Georgia, the militia's always just about ready to mobilize. Several injuries have been reported by celebratory gunshots falling down on habitated areas. Presumably, these gunshots were fired to demonstrate to the Russians the Atlantans intention to never give up the resistance, and to fight off all attempts of invasion. On the other hand, other theories indicate that the gunshots were fired as a belated protest against the Michael Vick criminal sentence, or to celebrate the Braves weekend sweep of the Dodgers last weekend.

In any event, the Russians definitely don't know what they're in for. America!

Wait, there's another Georgia? Where? Nah, never heard of it. Careful, Atlanta, this may all be a trick.