Bar Fly Banter, Vol. 5 - The Price of Love

Barfly:"Man, wish I had a spare $20K lying around."
Me (with a modicum of background on the situation to be detailed below):"Is that the going rate these days."
Barfly:"That's the cost of a condo in Costa Rica, which is worth a swap."

There is a patron. Let's call him Sweet Awesome feathered Mullet Guy, or Sam G for short. About 6 weeks ago, Sam G shows up with a girl on his arm that was, shall we say, way out of his league. And dressed to impress. Me and other guys. We'll call her Lolita. Sam G is about 40. Lolita looks to be about 25. "Mail Order" was thrown around-- I thought at first in jest then, until conversation above, in perfect seriousness.

The truth is worse.

Sam G has business interests in Costa Rica. During the course of these interests, he met Lolita's father. Impoverished, if banter is to be believed. Sam G had a decent condo (mayhaps a townhouse, couldn't get verified) that would be a significant upgrade to the family. Sam G negotiated a deal.

The mail-order-bride business is, to me, ethically grey. Provided the "bride" is a willing participant. Not my cup of tea, mind you, but with 2 parties entering the relationship with open eyes, I suspend judgment as I can see a benefit to both parties [that some countries are so inhospitable to necessitate a bride to follow that path is a rant for another day].

Banter once again remaining inviolate, Lolita was seen crying in a nearby bar and consoled by one of the barflyettes who happened to be there at the same time. She's no happy camper.

So what to do about a situation that, on the surface, appears to be a legal adult acting as an unenthusiastic fluff girl for the betterment of her family?

Makes my problems seem small.

Pardon the Interruption

The Russians are Coming!

Downtown Atlanta is under attack!

Reports indicate that the Russians, having a low volume of the following natural resources, have decided to invade to take what they might not otherwise have. The futures market for these partially-renewable resources has shot through the roof in the last few days. Pork bellies are up to $275 per barrel and chitlins are double what they were only 2 short months ago. Popeyes and KFC chains are now under lock and key, only letting diners in after proving that they're not Russian. Of course, native Atlantas don't differentiate between Yankees and Russians, so things are running a little more slowly amid all the confusion.

The Fulton County militia is also mobilizing, although, again, in Georgia, the militia's always just about ready to mobilize. Several injuries have been reported by celebratory gunshots falling down on habitated areas. Presumably, these gunshots were fired to demonstrate to the Russians the Atlantans intention to never give up the resistance, and to fight off all attempts of invasion. On the other hand, other theories indicate that the gunshots were fired as a belated protest against the Michael Vick criminal sentence, or to celebrate the Braves weekend sweep of the Dodgers last weekend.

In any event, the Russians definitely don't know what they're in for. America!

Wait, there's another Georgia? Where? Nah, never heard of it. Careful, Atlanta, this may all be a trick.

Tree's Revenge

Fear me.

You walk by me every day, and aren't impressed. You let your dogs pee on me. You back into me with your car, and worry about what happened to your car. What about me?

I bide my time, though. Watching, waiting. I will have my revenge. And then we'll see who wins.

I win

Cougar Spotted

Authorities report a cougar sighting near the University of Maryland (link here) this morning. Reports indicate a early 40's woman, dark hair, brown eyes, driving a late-90's Ford Mustang. She was last seen wearing a low-cut blouse and miniskirt and winking at all of the college boys walking to class.

Known hangouts include the local bars as well as the student union. She's been known to hang out at the liquor store for any underage men looking to buy.

Authorities report that she is very hungry and that all freshman and sophomores should stay away. Oh-Oh here she comes. She's a maneater.