Bar Fly Banter, Vol. 2- R.I.P Mr. Parakeet
(Editor’s note: Max Boom, while a Superdelagate in the American light beer arena, adheres to a strict “No Illegal Drug” policy.)
New vocabulary I learned while eavesdropping last night at the local watering hole:
Waterfalling – verb – To inhale smoke as follows: Immerse your hands in cold water. Remove them and extend out in front of you, palm side up with your pinkies in contact. Your hands should resemble a wet bowl with a “channel” running from the tip of your pinky, along the meat of your hand, ending at the wrist. Put the bottom of the channel (wrist end) to your mouth. Have a friend inhale deeply on his cannabis cigarette (or pipe, dugout, skull, or other bud-to-smoke conversion tool) and blow the smoke into the top of the channel at your pinkies. You inhale deeply at the bottom.
Gladhatting – verb – To inhale smoke as follows: Remove your Baller, Shot-Caller Starter hat. Turn bill-side up so that you are staring into the inside of your hat, like a catcher’s mitt. Put the hat over your face so that the bill is sticking up in the air. Make sure if you’ve still left the price and/or brand tag attached to your hat that it doesn’t interfere with the airtight nature of your new mask. Once again, have a friend inhale deeply on his cannabis cigarette. Lift the bill of the hat slightly away from your forehead and have friend blow smoke under the bill and into your mask. Inhale deeply.
And a final vocabulary lesson with a tragic twist:
Super winner barfly #1: “Remember the time you shotgunned your parakeet? Poor thing died on the spot?”
Super winner barfly #2: “Yeah, that was so wrong.”
Max: “Do you mean to imply that you shot a parakeet with a shotgun and were surprised at its very predictable and timely demise?”
Super winner barfly #1: “No, I mean with a joint.”
Max: “Well paint me dense, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Super winner barfly #1: “Shotgunning is where you turn the joint around in your mouth and kiss someone while blowing smoke into their mouth. He did it with his pet parakeet.”
And this is why I log the hours I do at the bar. To regale you, dear reader, with gems of wisdom such is “Between parakeet and human, shotgunning amuses only one”.
RIP, Mr. Parakeet, RIP.
New vocabulary I learned while eavesdropping last night at the local watering hole:
Waterfalling – verb – To inhale smoke as follows: Immerse your hands in cold water. Remove them and extend out in front of you, palm side up with your pinkies in contact. Your hands should resemble a wet bowl with a “channel” running from the tip of your pinky, along the meat of your hand, ending at the wrist. Put the bottom of the channel (wrist end) to your mouth. Have a friend inhale deeply on his cannabis cigarette (or pipe, dugout, skull, or other bud-to-smoke conversion tool) and blow the smoke into the top of the channel at your pinkies. You inhale deeply at the bottom.
Gladhatting – verb – To inhale smoke as follows: Remove your Baller, Shot-Caller Starter hat. Turn bill-side up so that you are staring into the inside of your hat, like a catcher’s mitt. Put the hat over your face so that the bill is sticking up in the air. Make sure if you’ve still left the price and/or brand tag attached to your hat that it doesn’t interfere with the airtight nature of your new mask. Once again, have a friend inhale deeply on his cannabis cigarette. Lift the bill of the hat slightly away from your forehead and have friend blow smoke under the bill and into your mask. Inhale deeply.
And a final vocabulary lesson with a tragic twist:
Super winner barfly #1: “Remember the time you shotgunned your parakeet? Poor thing died on the spot?”
Super winner barfly #2: “Yeah, that was so wrong.”
Max: “Do you mean to imply that you shot a parakeet with a shotgun and were surprised at its very predictable and timely demise?”
Super winner barfly #1: “No, I mean with a joint.”
Max: “Well paint me dense, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Super winner barfly #1: “Shotgunning is where you turn the joint around in your mouth and kiss someone while blowing smoke into their mouth. He did it with his pet parakeet.”
And this is why I log the hours I do at the bar. To regale you, dear reader, with gems of wisdom such is “Between parakeet and human, shotgunning amuses only one”.
RIP, Mr. Parakeet, RIP.
Labels: Bar Fly Banter, Max Boom
posted by Max Boom | 8:22 PM
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