Pro vs. Joe

I don't know if anyone saw this story on ESPN, but it's about the author of the article, who was a high school tennis player, challenging Andy Roddick to a match. Seems insane, until you see that the conditions included that Roddick played the match with a frying pan. And damned if he still wasn't pretty good at it. And so I got to thinking what it would take for me to be able to compete with some sports stars on an even level.

LaVar Arrington - I think I'd need to be on horseback. Not that I don't think Arrington could take down a horse, I just feel like he'd be slowed up enough by taking down the horse that I could get away.

Tiger Woods - My first thought was from Tin Cup, if Tiger's playing with a cricket bat, pool cue, crowbar, shovel. But even then, I'm not sure how much of a chance I'd have. I think if he had to throw the ball at each shot instead of hitting it with something, I could beat him. And then on the greens, he'd need to use a broom, and not as a pool cue.

Michael Jordan - There are a few things I'd need here, because there's more here than just making the shots easier. I feel like I'd be blocked out, knocked over, and generally roughed up through the course of the game. First, Jordan would be playing with a tennis ball that he'd have to shoot through a hoop similarly sized to the tennis ball the way a basketball hoop is to a basketball. Next, his hoop is 14 feet in the air. My hoop is 8 feet in the air.

Bowling - I don't know any of the stars by name, but I feel like if I were twice as close to the pins as they were, I'd beat them no problem. Maybe only 25% closer.

That's all that springs to mind just this second, but what do you all have?