What are you Hiding?
So I was sitting in a meeting the other day with all men, and I happened to notice that 7 of the 11 people in the room had some sort of facial hair. Two goatees, three mustaches, and beards. In my analysis of the people in the room, I came to the following conclusions:
- People with beards aren't particularly concerned what you might think of them.
They can make do on their own and will take care of what they need, as long as you just stay out of their way. Being a former beard-wearer myself, I was comfortable with the image that the beardies were portraying in the meeting. I'm pretty sure my girlfriend would like me to grow a beard again, so after that meeting, I'm convinced. (Clearly does not apply to chinstraps or anything that requires too much upkeep)
- People with goatees would like to portray authority, or have weak chins. One guy I know used to have a full-on ZZ Top beard, and I only recently saw him clean shaven. The dude had absolutely no chin at all. Just a gentle slope down from his bottom lip to his neck.
- Mustachioed folks are a little bit better. Porn 'staches excluded, they've been around the block. They know their way around a fishing boat, welding shop, construction site, or beer cooler. If there's something you need to know, chances are very good that that they're done it before. Also, very little grooming is required, except for a trim every once in a while to make sure the food you're expecting isn't getting blocked out.
And so Osama bin Laden, I propose to you that you get rid of the beard. It's a little too weather unfriendly for the modern desert cave-dweller, and doesn't portray the image you're looking for. I think people would take you more seriously with a nice walrus-style mustache. Uncle Osama.
- People with beards aren't particularly concerned what you might think of them.
They can make do on their own and will take care of what they need, as long as you just stay out of their way. Being a former beard-wearer myself, I was comfortable with the image that the beardies were portraying in the meeting. I'm pretty sure my girlfriend would like me to grow a beard again, so after that meeting, I'm convinced. (Clearly does not apply to chinstraps or anything that requires too much upkeep)- People with goatees would like to portray authority, or have weak chins. One guy I know used to have a full-on ZZ Top beard, and I only recently saw him clean shaven. The dude had absolutely no chin at all. Just a gentle slope down from his bottom lip to his neck.
- Mustachioed folks are a little bit better. Porn 'staches excluded, they've been around the block. They know their way around a fishing boat, welding shop, construction site, or beer cooler. If there's something you need to know, chances are very good that that they're done it before. Also, very little grooming is required, except for a trim every once in a while to make sure the food you're expecting isn't getting blocked out.
And so Osama bin Laden, I propose to you that you get rid of the beard. It's a little too weather unfriendly for the modern desert cave-dweller, and doesn't portray the image you're looking for. I think people would take you more seriously with a nice walrus-style mustache. Uncle Osama.
posted by ab | 7:29 AM
1 Comments:
You might want to add the following points to your list so that you get a well-rounded perspective on beards.
-People with beards aren't particularly concerned what you might think of them.
oSince 9 out of 10 women think a beard/any sort of facial hair looks like crap on men, it’s pretty fair to say men with beards aren’t popular with the ladies. So if bearded folk want to attract lady friends, they should be concerned about what people think of their facial hair.
oThere’s no way AB’s lady friend would like him to grow a beard.
- People with goatees would like to portray authority, or have weak chins.
oWhen was the last time you saw a U.S. President or CEO of a Top 10 Fortune 500 Companies sport a full beard? My guess is pre-TV era when voters couldn’t see the candidates before casting their ballots and way before CEOs would appear in press conferences (thinking of Steve Jobs).
oThe first question I have for bearded men is “what are you hiding?” It’s no wonder Osama, the poster man for beards, is in hiding.
- Mustachioed folks are a little bit better.
oLeftover food on the ‘stach is not attractive. See first point.
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