Enough

If you're in China, you probably aren't able to read this blog, mainly because of what I'm about to write next.

When is enough enough? China was awarded the Olympic games seven years ago despite being one of the worst violators of human rights around. Protestors get shot and human rights lawyers are arrested and "disappear". The only news you can get is the government controlled official news, which is only what they want you to hear. If you're on the internet there, you're blocked from any sites that the government doesn't want you to see. That includes Amnesty International, international news organizations, Wikipedia, and others.

Part of the committment that China made during the Olympic bid process was that they would make improvements. They would do much better at human rights. They would allow reporters and others covering the games in China free access, and without censorship. So the committment is made, they get the games, and then this. And if you're staying in a hotel China for the Olympics, they're watching you. The government is requiring hotels to install monitoring software and hardware that will let them see everything you're doing. They'll be able to see anything you do, including emails or any websites you visit. Link here.

For those of you (Spaced Ghost) who don't have a problem with this, how would you feel about being arrested for something you posted if the government thought that it was against national policy?

I Want to Believe

Life opresses the imagination... and too much love of the known, and not enough want of the fantasy, neuters the dreamer.

You are overwhelmed with stimuli that mean nothing. But you have to obey them or risk poverty. Try to imagine. Try to wrap your mind around "better". There's a point of lucidity that is scary. Get there, and people will materialize to beckon you away. It's real. And Real. And terrifying.

Something's wrong. Are you aware? Try to dream up something that doesn't exist that will make Earth, the planet, competetive. Worth mentioning. Something that's not been imagined yet and articulated. Take a breath and try....

You can't think of it, although some part of you says it's on the edge of your thoughts but you don't know why.

There's a governer on our imagination. It's pissing me off. I'm trying to figure out the human wrench to disable it.

It can't hold everyone back.

The real world numbs your ingenuity. Be on the lookout. Anything that is a stimuli distracting from imagination is sapping your life.

Take care.

Poker Musings, Vol. 4 - BLUFFING

Poker players are often pegged as "lying degenerates". This post isn't intended to do anything to contradict the latter half of the stereotype. Or the former.

In my opinion, the objective of poker is to take other people's money by outthinking them. And enjoy yourself in the process. In a game 'til infinity, everybody will have the same run of cards. In hold 'em, everyone will get dealt pocket aces at the same frequency, and everyone will get dealt J4 at the same frequency.

The key is to win more and lose less than your opponents when you are in a pot.

And that requires deception.

But here's the key. Your opponent is expecting you to lie. And they're going to be lying right back to you. The key to winning is to lie more convincingly and be able to smell the BS more effectively.

There are bluffs. There are Bluffs. And there are BLUFFS.

A bluff is something you might do once every couple of rounds. It's like ducking out early for a beer with a co-worker and failing to mention it to the wife. It's a white lie. Keeps the guy happy, no one's much worse for wear. It's raising AQ preflop from early position, getting a call from the button and then firing a continuation bet on a K94 flop. Your opponent folds. It's technically a bluff, although you might have been talking business over the beer so it can be defended as a career enhancing move.

There are Bluffs. These require a little more craftiness. They're the "I'm taking one of my precious vacation days next Wednesday to go catch a ballgame with the guys and I don't want to tell the wife because she wants me to save all the vacation days for when the baby comes." You have to somewhat set the stage for this one. Make sure your buddies don't tell their significant others. Make sure to sock away the cash so you don't have to use the credit cards. Maybe you've shown a bluff or 2 in the past... "OK, gotta come clean on this one 'cause the guilt is going to eat at me. Spaced Ghost, ab and I went out for a beer after work. It won't happen again."

You raise preflop with 88. You get one caller who has half the number of chips you have. The flop comes KQJ with 2 clubs. You're first to act and move all-in.

The Bluff can blow up in your face on occasion, but you can generally survive with your marriage intact (although if caught it's going to be very tough to bluff or Bluff again for a long while.)

And then there are the BLUFFS. The scary, white knuckle, Vegas trip with your 3 buddies for a weekend of gambling and strip clubs that you not only didn't mention to the Ms. but she can never, ever find out about. I can't emphasize enough the amount of preparation that goes into setting up the BLUFF. You have to have alibis. On top of alibis. On top of misdirections. Mixed in with red herrings. Running a BLUFF requires weeks to set up and still a little luck to pull off. And if you're caught, it means the end of your life.

In poker, pulling off a BLUFF is excruciatingly difficult. It requires perfect timing and often a bad read from your wife opponent. Here is probably one of the more memorable mainstream BLUFFS.

I am primarily a low-limit sit-n-go donkey grinder. Some of the most profitable opponents are the ones who try to BLUFF without setting the proper groundwork. Here's one I found enjoyable, along with some observations on how I knew he wasn't in Omaha at a sales convention and instead was taking jello shooters from Porsha's naval in the Rhino Club.

> PokerStars Game #19030xxxxx: Tournament #973xxxxx

9-max Seat #7 is the button
> Seat 6: MAXBOOM (7370 in chips) (overwhelming chip leader, of course)
> Seat 7: Mr. Irrelavent (3290 in chips)
> Seat 8: I'mLosingHalfofEverything (2840 in chips)

> MAXBOOM: posts the ante 25
> Mr. Irrelavent: posts the ante 25
> I'mLosingHalfofEverything: posts the ante 25
> I'mLosingHalfofEverything: posts small blind 100
> MAXBOOM: posts big blind 200

Pot is 375
> *** HOLE CARDS ***
> Dealt to MAXBOOM [3c Ac]
> Mr. Irrelavent: folds
> I'mLosingHalfofEverything: calls 100 (try to build a range here. Not a terrible player. Short stack. I think the range of hands he could have is way too broad to list.

Business trip, eh. All right then. Never been on a business trip before, though.

But the key on this one is that you can eliminate some hands that he doesn't have because he didn't raise/shove.)

> MAXBOOM: checks (I might raise, start asking some questions about what the conference is about, where he's staying, but for now I'll just let him continue to tell me his story.)

Pot is 475.
> *** FLOP *** [6s 6c 5d]

> I'mLosingHalfofEverything: bets 2615 and is all-in

(moment of truth here. I have Ac3c. He has just raised 2615 into a 475 pot.

The Omaha Holiday Inn doesn't have a reservation in his name.

I don't know what his range is, but I am confident what it isn't because he didn't raise preflop. Namely no Ace, no pocket pair. Additionally, he is shoving here. A premium hand (AA-QQ) might play the hand this way preflop, but after the flop as a short stack would almost certainly try to draw me in by checking hoping I'd make a play. Getting to Level 3 thinking, what do you think he thinks I have. Probably drawing the same conclusion because I just checked preflop, No Ace, No Pocket pair.

The office just called asking if they knew a number to reach him at.

I also don't think he'd open shove if he got any piece of this flop. It's too tasty a spot to check-raise me because he should suspect that if he checks, the random player acting behind him will make a move at this pot in this position. So there you have it, he doesn't have an Ace, he doesn't have a pocket pair and he doesn't have a piece of this flop.

"Oh that son-'bitch done went off to Vegas with Boomer and Dickie, didn't he?"

> MAXBOOM: calls 2615
> *** TURN *** [6s 6c 5d] [3s]
> *** RIVER *** [6s 6c 5d 3s] [Qc]
> *** SHOW DOWN ***
> I'mLosingHalfofEverything: shows [Kc 4d] (a pair of Sixes)
> MAXBOOM: shows [3c Ac] (two pair, Sixes and Threes)
> MAXBOOM collected 5705 from pot

(boom)

People are Crazy

I should be used to it by now, but people are stupid.

I just read this article about some poor girl in New Zealand whose mother named her Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. Yes, that whole thing is her name.

Then you've got the celebrities who give their kids weird names because, as celebrities, they can't be like everyone else. Having a kid named Jessica or Michelle? That's for regular people. Try some of these. My favorite is Nicolas Cage's kid, named Kal-El. Just in case that name doesn't ring a bell to you, the original Kal-El might be more familiar to you as Superman. On Krypton, his name was Kal-El (son of Jor-El).

Like I said, people are crazy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Update: I challenge Max Boom to follow in this gentleman's footsteps and name his upcoming child based on a popular vote of comments or contributors to this blog. Before Ms. Boom wakes up from post-birth nap, the name can be set, and it'll be too late to change.

How?

How will you react when. . . . . . . .
1) Your son / daughter brings home their first boyfriend / girlfriend.
2) Your mentor is fired from their job.
3) The President of the United States holds a press conference explaining the history of contact with other beings and how long that we have known they exist.
4) A terrorist act kills someone you know.
5) The first person is teleported.
6) Someone other than an American walks on the moon.
7) There are no U.S. made cars or U.S. owned beer companies.
8) You have to put your parents in a home.
9) You are worth over a million dollars.
10) Your child is born.

Are you prepared? How will YOU react?

Emergency Brakes

On the list of greatest movie car chases, you've probably seen a few, but probably missed a few more.

You may have saw Heat, but might not have seen Bullitt, with Steve McQueen driving the classic Mustang through the streets of San Francisco. You most likely saw the the Italian Job with Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron (nice!), but you might not have seen the original Italian Job with Michael Caine, which was much more campy, but a good movie nonetheless.

Bullitt was aided in the car chase by a co-star, which was San Francisco. Only with crazy hilly streets like that does an above average car chase turn into an awesome one. So next question, is how would you like to have a car chase on this street? Either way, you better make sure your emergency brakes are working.

Bar Fly Banter, Vol. 4

Heard tonight--

Bartendress: "Put the salt back on the other side of the pepper!"
Barfly: "Why, who cares."
Bartendress: "White is right!"

I immediately thought "No way in the world after 3-days-a-week patronage for years am I sitting in a racist bar."

Although not mandatory in a food serving establishment, as a courtesy in a situation where you can conclusively determine which way the patron will be viewing the salt and pepper (i.e. a bar, or a booth where the spices abut a wall, etc.), you put the salt on the right and the pepper on the left as viewed by the patron.

Wanna guess why? [spoiler below]





As a courtesy to the blind.

Please Help

Look, we're silly. We're irreverent. We're largely irrevelant. We're also real people. And we are friends with this guy. If you've seen him, please help.



Police are looking for a man reported as missing from the Burke Centre area. 31-year-old Mark David Radcliffe was last seen at his home, located in the 5500 block of Glasgow Woods Court, around noon on Sunday, July 6. Radcliffe was supposed to travel to the Chicago area that same day but records indicate that he did not make the trip. Detectives determined that Radcliffe had been distraught recently.

Mark David Radcliffe is 5 feet 11 inches tall and weighs about 220 pounds. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes and is clean shaven.

Anyone with information is asked to contact Crime Solvers by phone at 1-866-411-TIPS(8477), e-mail at www.fairfaxcrimesolvers.org or text “TIP187” plus your message to CRIMES(274637) or call Fairfax County Police at 703-691-2131.

Update: Rest in peace, buddy.

Internet Fun

So everyone uses .com or .org email addresses. What you may or may not know, since living in the US, we really don't need to worry about it, is that other countries have their own internet domains. For example, Germany has web pages that end in .de, Italy's end in .it, and China has .cn.

Some countries have made out particularly well in the assignment of names. Tuvalu has the domain .tv, which had made it very popular, and therefore profitable, for any manner of people wanting to advertise and have a .tv web page. Cameroon likewise hit the internet jackpot. Their domain is .cm, which gets tons of hits for everyone who has a typo when typing a random .com web page. The Cameroonians have set up a page which gather all of the random typos (with the exception of some that actually have set up real .cm pages) and sends them to a page funded with advertising.

One country, though, while they may not be the proudest of their domain, have the greatest one of all time. Bermuda owns the very exciting domain of .bm

No Country For Old Men

I don't know if you all saw this movie, but it was pretty awesome. Except for rare situations, it's not the movie you'd take your wife or girlfriend to see. Without a doubt, I knew that Mrs. ab wouldn't be interested, so I didn't even bother there.

The movie's all about a guy (Josh Brolin) who finds a bunch of money at the location of a drug deal gone bad. You can tell it's gone bad because there are about 3 truckloads of Mexican guys that are dead in the middle of the desert. So with all that money missing, there are obviously some guys looking for it, who happen to be criminals. So Brolin is followed most closely by a hitman of some sort played by Javier Bardem, who plays the coldest, craziest, and most ruthless guy you've ever seen. At least Tony Montana had some emotion. This guy just kills people without even raising his voice. And since there are criminals, Tommy Lee Jones, as the sherrif, is involved, trying to track everyone down.

But I saw this movie a while ago, and by this point you should have either seen the movie or read a review, and so I don't feel bad telling you that, with the movie taking place in Texas, everyone and their brother has a gun, and so there's a lot of shooting. By the end of the movie, just about everyone is dead. Josh Brolin, although (spoiler alert) dies at the end, but comes off as a real badass throughout the movie.

My point, though, is this. Apparently, this dude's cool in real life too. He got arrested the other night after being in a bar fight while he was filming a movie. Clich here to read the article. It should be noted that bar fighters should be embarrassed though if they need to bring a weapon (gun or knife or even broken beer bottle) to said fight. The proper bar fight, if you must get into one, is fought with fists only, and is best ended with the combatants sharing a drink. The loser, it goes without saying, should buy.

Attitude

From one of my favorite poker blogs...

Poker Musings, Vol. 3 - Gracious but Vindictive in Defeat

I have no intention of turning this into a bad beat diary. But seriously...I Run Beautiful...

PokerStars Game #1875xxxxxxx: Tournament #95xxxxxx, $10+$1 Hold'em No Limit - Level II (15/30)
Seat #5 is the button

Seat 1: MAXBOOM (1580 in chips)
Seat 2:(1080 in chips)
Seat 3:(1710 in chips)
Seat 4:(540 in chips)
Seat 5:(2830 in chips)
Seat 6:(1480 in chips)
Seat 9: Lescelleur (4280 in chips)
Seat 6: posts small blind 15
Lescelleur: posts big blind 30
*** HOLE CARDS ***

Dealt to MAXBOOM [8d Ad]
MAXBOOM: calls 30 [Loose, to be sure, but the table was virginally tight except for Mr. Les, who was being the table bully and raising everything very big and was also in the big blind.]
seat 3: folds
seat 4: folds
seat 5: folds
seat 6: folds
seat 7: calls 15
Lescelleur: raises 90 to 120 [we hoped for this! Nay! We orchestrated this cheap ass move from the big blind. Sorry, Les, in this world, you get outed]
MAXBOOM: raises 1460 to 1580 and is all-in
seat 7: folds
Lescelleur: calls 1460
*** FLOP *** [7h Kc Kd]
*** TURN *** [7h Kc Kd] [7s]
*** RIVER *** [7h Kc Kd 7s] [Jc]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
Lescelleur: shows [8s 7c] (a full house, Sevens full of Kings)
MAXBOOM: shows [8d Ad] (two pair, Kings and Sevens)
MAXBOOM said, "gg" [Gracious, even in defeat.]
Lescelleur said, "wow" [You forgot to type the rest, so I'll complete... "wow, I suck."]

The case could be made that his range was broad. My observation was he didn't play his monster hands this way (a 2 monster hand sample, admittedly not a lot of intel.) He could have had AA. Or a number of hands that had me beat. I thought my hand was a favorite over his range to make that particular bet in his own big blind. I also thought that absent a monster he could fold. I was right. And wrong.

I made a parallel judgement--

Largest junk = best broad. See Ms. Fire for confirmation.

Largest cards = best hand. See Game #1875xxxxxxx for rebuttal.

Some skills aren't absolute.

Deep breath... we play this game until infinity. Eventually, proper play will be a positive investment... Proper junk is still reaping rewards.

Ugh.

Voting

McCain will give all the money to the rich! Obama will tax you to death!
Well, at least the constitution gives me the right to decide. Constitutionaly, and all.
Sorry, just got 3rd out of 17 in the weekly poker tourney and am a bit on tilt.
Wrong.
You have no right to vote for el presidente...
You have no right to vote for the president of this here U S of A. The more savvy of you will no doubt point out that I'm d-r-u-n=k. Fair entougn. The rest will just read in blissful... bliss. Forget the electoral college for a minuet and bear with e. UR SMRT, if you figured out that you can't vote for the pres and can only get soemone to voet for you. BUT YOURE STILL WRONG.
After some research, it would appear that no one in the country has a constitutional right to vote for the members of the electoral college. The 13th, 14th and 15th amendments (circa 1865-1880 passing) are the first real stab at providing equal rights for citizens, and by citizens I mean men. The 13th outlawed slavery. The 14th defined citizenship and said that being a slave in the past did not disqualify you from citizenship. The 15th said that the right to vote could not be assigned in a discriminatory manner.
You have no constitutional right to vote.
The decision of who gets to vote for president/VP is left up to the states. Specifically its legistlatures. If tomorrow the state legislature said it didn't want the popu;lace voting, it's well within their right.
Since 1776, states have creatively found ways to keep certain people from not voting. Literacy, land ownership or "the grandfather clause" i.e. if your grandfather voted, you could (to allow illiterate white people to vote), were all used to keep blacks from voting even after the 15th amendment passed.
These are men, mind you. Women weren't included under the anti-discrimination umbrella until the 19th amendment in 1920.

What's interesting though is that states were finding ways to discriminate all the way up to the Voting Rights Act of 1965, which sought to end the practices altogether. Ironically, that still has to be ratified every so many years. The last extension was in 2006, for 25 more years.

I propose we change it.
To what, I don't know.
To steal a couple of Heinlein ideas, we could say you have to serve in the military to vote. Or you have to pay the cost of an ounce of gold (or pick the benchmark) to take a civics test-- if you pass the test, you get your money back and vote-- fail, and the horn goes off in the local library, you get exposed as a dupe and you fail and lose your right to cast the ballot.
I've been overserved on myh way to 3rd out of 17 in my weekly poker tourney. Happy Friday.
There's your history lesson for today.

Cursive

I remember third grade as the year that we were finally going to learn how to write in cursive. We had those large sheets of paper that had room for three lines of script to practice. Throughout the rest of elementary school and middle school, all of our writing had to be in cursive. In high school, it was hit and miss if you were required to use cursive. All that, of course, dried up in college, when all they cared about is if they could read what you wrote or not.

The other day, I was taking notes on something, and realized that I wasn't even sure if I could remember how to write in cursive. So I did some practicing. I'd get halfway through a word, and revert back to the half-print, half-script that I usually use. There were some letters that I couldn't even remember how to make.

Following through on that, I remember going away for the summer on week-long trips to camp. Once that was over, we'd write letters to the other folks (mostly girls, of course) that we met at camp. The point here is, when's the last time you wrote a letter? Aside from handwritten notes like thank you's or birthday or holiday cards(3-4 sentences, 1 page), I can't even remember the last time I've written one. It's much more personal of a thing than an email or an instant message from someone. I'm not yet at the point where text messages are a regular communication tool for me, but this trend toward convenience is a negative thing I think, particularly for this.

I haven't yet noodled out whether the fact that these thoughts are written on a blog on the internet are indicative of anything, but I'm open to ideas.

Pro vs. Joe

I don't know if anyone saw this story on ESPN, but it's about the author of the article, who was a high school tennis player, challenging Andy Roddick to a match. Seems insane, until you see that the conditions included that Roddick played the match with a frying pan. And damned if he still wasn't pretty good at it. And so I got to thinking what it would take for me to be able to compete with some sports stars on an even level.

LaVar Arrington - I think I'd need to be on horseback. Not that I don't think Arrington could take down a horse, I just feel like he'd be slowed up enough by taking down the horse that I could get away.

Tiger Woods - My first thought was from Tin Cup, if Tiger's playing with a cricket bat, pool cue, crowbar, shovel. But even then, I'm not sure how much of a chance I'd have. I think if he had to throw the ball at each shot instead of hitting it with something, I could beat him. And then on the greens, he'd need to use a broom, and not as a pool cue.

Michael Jordan - There are a few things I'd need here, because there's more here than just making the shots easier. I feel like I'd be blocked out, knocked over, and generally roughed up through the course of the game. First, Jordan would be playing with a tennis ball that he'd have to shoot through a hoop similarly sized to the tennis ball the way a basketball hoop is to a basketball. Next, his hoop is 14 feet in the air. My hoop is 8 feet in the air.

Bowling - I don't know any of the stars by name, but I feel like if I were twice as close to the pins as they were, I'd beat them no problem. Maybe only 25% closer.

That's all that springs to mind just this second, but what do you all have?

Shattering an Icon

Ripped abs. Perfect pecs. Bulging briefs. You know them, ladies.


Those perfect moves. The willingness to listen to your every demand. The syncronicity they exhibit with their fellow performers. A real man.

Yeah, quit dreaming.

I have it on good authority (a female manager at a venue at which they performed) that once they leave the stage... let's just say that almost to a "man" there's a lot of "you were soooooper" and "haaaayyyyyyy" and "you just stole the show" followed by a nice buttsmack. A naked buttsmack.

Sorry to ruin the illusion.

Did you really believe otherwise?

On my own. .. . .

The Mrs. left me home along for an extended period of time for the first time with all three of the little one's this evening to attend an event. I figured I'd live blog about the experience:

5:32pm: Wife leaves. 5-year olds sobs out of control at thought of being home along with daddy and siblings. Gets sent to room until she can control herself. Everyone else seems to contro themselves. Daddy starts dinner and she didn't help me at all in the respect. . . turn radio on loud.. . .. ACDC playing. . .turn it up and can barely hear crying of the girl.. . .

5:39 - 3-year old starts picking on 5-year old crying intensifies.

5:44 - Make myself a double vodka and tonic.

5:57 - Pasta w/ sauce on the table. drink half gone. Kids asking me why the pink floyd, "The Wall", the kids seem so sad in the song. No on crying.

6:11 - Dinner complete - judgement call on desert. bubble gum for the older one, piece of candy for little one. Baby still didn't eat. just roaming around the floor occupying herself.

I'm now in never-never land because I have to fill an hour +- of time with everyione before i can shove them off to bed and hopefully at this point think about getting the little one to relax without mommy. I know who will know, let me call Max B. He's always good at coming up with ideas.

6:30 Oldest - washing dishes, baby eating dinner. boy wandering around house.

6:45 - all okay. If no one is crying can I go watch P.T.I.?

7:00 - kids getting in pajamas - just have to get a snack in them, read some stories and then just deal with the baby.

7:32 - older two in bed. complaining about mommy not being here, asking lots of questions, Kira realizing that I have no breasts to comfort her. This could be a long night. Going to try the formula in a bottle.

8:01 - Miracle of all miracles. . .. all kids asleep. 2 in their beds and one beside me on my bead. I'm not sure how llong it will last but it is fantastic. Mommy checks in and of course they are all being great. Probably won't last long now.

8:15 that didn't last long, i made a wrong move and the baby woke up. she's now throwing a fit and couldn't be consoled. I've put her in her crib and am hoping she can regain her sleeping.

8:33 Still crying

8:55 Still crying

9:01 been quiet for 2 minutes. Hell's Kitchen season finale starting. She won't interupt that. Will she?

9:45 almost there.......when will mommy be home?

10:05 I'm headed to bed. . . for how long?. . .... . .not too bad at fatherhood.. . . .

4th of July Spectacular

As we approach a perfect 4th of July weekend (on a friday, so get to start on Thursday and get the three day weekend and weather looking good), I ask myself what items needed to be checked off the box so that when I come in on Monday and asked, "How was your holiday?", I can succinctly answer, "Fantastic." So, to the list. . . . .

1) MEAT - Eat no less than three different types of meat off the grill. It can be sausage, chicken, hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs. As long as it was something walking the earth in the not too recent past, it counts and I want bbq sauce on a least 2 of the items.

2) DRINK - I'm really at this point trying to figure out the line up. . . . . . do you start with the Jack and end with the wine or beer. .. . do you do a "progressive" and each time you finish a glass, you move on to something else? What I do know is that by the end of the weekend, I'm sure I'll have drank some some of the following; beer, wine, jack, vodka, and if she insists probably some gin.

3) S'MORE - Make a fire, let the fire burn and settle so there are some perfect ashes and toast the perfect marshmellow to create the perfect S'more. Because it's a holiday I might even put 4 little sections of the Hershey Bar on the ultimate sandwich instead of the standard two dictated my Mrs. Spaced Ghost.

Heck, I might even let the kids stay up late and give them a good jolt of sugar prior to bedtime. It is America's birthday.

4) FIREWORKS - Of course I want to light some fireworks. I bought some "legal" ones so that the little ones could see what the holiday has turned into and will try not to burn anything down. If I can pull it off, I'll try to hook up the 1812 Overture on the stereo while things are blowing up, but that might take too much coordination.

5) SWIM - in the pond. Take the kids down, put on the lifejackets, float around the pond with the fish nibbling on the toes. I would also add to this getting on a boat, but I'm not sure that's in the cards this weekend, so I'll leave the boat off the list this year.

Now that is truly spectacular 4th of July. Have a great weekend.

What are you Hiding?

So I was sitting in a meeting the other day with all men, and I happened to notice that 7 of the 11 people in the room had some sort of facial hair. Two goatees, three mustaches, and beards. In my analysis of the people in the room, I came to the following conclusions:

- People with beards aren't particularly concerned what you might think of them. They can make do on their own and will take care of what they need, as long as you just stay out of their way. Being a former beard-wearer myself, I was comfortable with the image that the beardies were portraying in the meeting. I'm pretty sure my girlfriend would like me to grow a beard again, so after that meeting, I'm convinced. (Clearly does not apply to chinstraps or anything that requires too much upkeep)
- People with goatees would like to portray authority, or have weak chins. One guy I know used to have a full-on ZZ Top beard, and I only recently saw him clean shaven. The dude had absolutely no chin at all. Just a gentle slope down from his bottom lip to his neck.
- Mustachioed folks are a little bit better. Porn 'staches excluded, they've been around the block. They know their way around a fishing boat, welding shop, construction site, or beer cooler. If there's something you need to know, chances are very good that that they're done it before. Also, very little grooming is required, except for a trim every once in a while to make sure the food you're expecting isn't getting blocked out.

And so Osama bin Laden, I propose to you that you get rid of the beard. It's a little too weather unfriendly for the modern desert cave-dweller, and doesn't portray the image you're looking for. I think people would take you more seriously with a nice walrus-style mustache. Uncle Osama.

Get Your Corn Dogs, Corn Dogs for $1

I would rather watch a baboon pick ticks off a chimpanzee on Discovery HD than watch most shows on the Prime Time Networks. Don't get me wrong, I have my guilty pleasures [cough, cough] "Family Guy", "My Name is Earl", [cough, cough]. But by and large, I think the folks on the Discovery Channel, Comedy Central, the Food Network, and a few of the other non-legacy channels are taking chances, writing scripts and generally producing more thought-provoking, watchable TV than any of the the mainstream channels. I suspect this is due to investor concerns and general upper management malaise, but I get conflicted attacking naked capitalism.

But this isn't a rant. It's a non-paid commendation.

Mrs. Bang saw an advertisement for "When We Left Earth" during the previews of one of the two or three movies we see in the theater on an annual basis. Forget the principle of you being the customer, paying to see a movie, and the chutzpa of the theaters to put an advertisement before you (I think the movie was "Ironman"). Promised.. not.. to.. rant... [punches self in head] Let's break tradition and be results-oriented for a bit. "When We Left Earth".

So we set the DVR to record it.

One word-- "Fantawesomagincredible."

One of the most insightful, proud-to-be-an-American, scientifically breathtaking shows I've ever seen.

This also isn't a review. One sentence synopsis-- an engaging, well documented summary of the history of the manned space-flight program, basic enough for the space novice, technical enough to spark the appreciation of an nerdy geeky inquisitive Max Boom, and entertaining enough to hopefully reignite the belief of this generation of Americans that there are in fact no bounds to the limits of what man can accomplish. Ron Howard as producer gets a "Max Boom World Changer" medal. Redeemable for a Bud Select poured by me at the venue of his choosing, if he so requests. But back to the show.

So every TV show has commercials. This isn't a commentary on the fact that I pay a premium for the Discovery HD channel. I will gladly pay extra coin, and even further will watch the occasional commercial, for superior content. As a fan of capitalism, I will even watch the commercials on a DVR'd show because I feel I owe it to the company. Provided you have good enough consultants and the commercials reach me. It's a trade-off. I tape the show to watch when convenient, and I will do you the service of watching the commercials that pay the bills because that's an implied trade-off. I won't circumvent that deal just because technology allows me to do so.

But the commercials better tell a story.

There are a cadre of human advertising drones optimizing what commercials to pair with what show. Some hawk $1,000 spinning hubcaps that you can finance at 8% for 6 years. Others pawn a $900 vacuum that can suck a diaper off a child and will give a pedicure if you buy their nail polish.

And some presumably target me and those like me. Which is to say, hyper-intelligent, chiseled, well-hung hicks.

I am a huge fan of "When We Left Earth." Here are the commercials I wrote down during one break.

ING Investments - Safeguarding your "Number" i.e. retirement nest egg. People carrying their retirement value around as a number under their arms.
Mastercard Instant Rewards - A morning coffee at Starbucks, gym after work and expensing the new leather briefcase that gets opened at night "priceless" kind of day.
Amway - Touting lip-sticks, high-end purses and other chick markets (aimed at 2nd income type folks?)
Comfort Inn - In troubling times, an economic alternative for families with enough disposable income to take vacations, but not enough to stay at the Ritz.
Direct TV - Boardroom setting, Cable HD folks who obviously have no idea how to do business. "Let's charge more, people earning money are obviously too busy to mess with HD quality." Choose Direct TV, we appreciate you earners.
Acura - If you're watching this, you're in the market for an Acura, Benz or Beemer. We encourage Acura.

I'm OK with this ad set, even though it implicitly ignores my more hillbilly southern sensibilities.

Who's advertising to you?

People I Don't Trust

1. Men with long fingernails.
2. Girls' named Angel.
3. People who won't have a drink with me. (unless gone thru an accredited "Program")
4. Preacher's kids.
5. Importer/Exporters.